I love the feeling this poem evokes. I like the imagery, and how it's sort of open-ended what's being missed, a person, or an object, or a memory, or what, or if it was resolved. I like how you kept it consistent in the first lines- "-As she watched" and "-As he sat", continuing to finish the sentence from someone else's point of view. I do remember feeling surprised and disappointed when it ended there after "summer rain", because the secodn verse was so much longer and detailed. The last verse, "as he sat quietly, breathing in that summer rain" doesn't necessarily need embellishing, but I think that either another sentece should be added to it with more description, or a verse should be added after it to keep up the rhythm that the longer verse started. A poem should flow, and when it's done it shouldn't leave the reader lacking, either in message, or imagery, or in flow.
I didn't mind the switch from the cold to summer, but I wish either that the last verse were longer, or there were another verse after it. It seems like it just stops abruptly when the flow/rhythm isn't finished.
I like the imagery of the second verse...but the sudden switch to summer in the last verse is just confusing. Maybe there could be more to this one? Maybe I just don't get it.
That's nice. ...to be honest it came way out of nowhere and disrupted things. It threw me well out of the poem which had very pretty imagery until then. I hope that helps? I'm always sorry when things go out of shape.
I do remember feeling surprised and disappointed when it ended there after "summer rain", because the secodn verse was so much longer and detailed. The last verse, "as he sat quietly, breathing in that summer rain" doesn't necessarily need embellishing, but I think that either another sentece should be added to it with more description, or a verse should be added after it to keep up the rhythm that the longer verse started.
A poem should flow, and when it's done it shouldn't leave the reader lacking, either in message, or imagery, or in flow.
As for what's already written, it's beautiful!
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