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There was no
life in
danger, but
she pressed her
lips to his

and breathed
into him
all the
same.
Continuing with this same minimalist style that I'm honing, but widening the subject matter. Comments, criticisms, suggestions, etc are always welcome.

Submitting this to #Live-Love-Write for their The Best Of You contest, which can be found here: [link]
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:icontheantianti-drug:
TheAntiAnti-Drug Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
I like the minimalism. If I wanted to watch anyone work with just a few words it would be you. ;D
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:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2013   Writer
Hahahahaha ;D
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:iconrouge-fox:
Rouge-Fox Featured By Owner May 2, 2013  Student Writer
It's amazing how so few words can paint a mental picture so vast
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:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner May 2, 2013   Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconvshaw:
VShaw Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012
I like this. Simple, but very effective.
Reply
:iconricken4003:
ricken4003 Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012
I'm all about minimalist; I'm too distracted to read anything longer.
Seriously, though, and I know everyone has their own opinion on this, but I think with most poems/poetry, less is more.
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:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012   Writer
Agreed, I have to get hooked pretty quickly in order to read long works. And I believe that being able to say a bunch with a little is a skill worth refining.
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:iconseykloren:
Seykloren Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2012
Wonderfull,I really liked this, its short but very emotionaly power-fused.
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:iconmr-black-bird:
Mr-Black-Bird Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2012
Even though this is very short (minimalist) I enjoyed it.

Someone embracing danger and the wrong decision, I can definitely relate to this.

My only critique would be to maybe re-work the second stanza a bit, I felt it didn't give me as great of an impact as the first. But I cant put my finger on why... perhaps it was the wording? "and breathed into him". Maybe switch breathed with a different word, or just re-work it a bit. Sorry :/
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:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2012   Writer
It's all good, I love good criticism, thank you!
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:iconisitdarkenoughx:
isitdarkenoughx Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I absolutely adore this. It feels so private, so intimate. Very good job at the writing style and wording.
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:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2012   Writer
Lovely, thanks!
Reply
:iconmeanderingdreams:
meanderingDreams Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2012  Student General Artist
Love this style. Yet beautifully written. :heart:
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:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2012   Writer
Thank you <3
Reply
:iconmeanderingdreams:
meanderingDreams Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2012  Student General Artist
You're welcome~ :)
Reply
:iconrealartizt:
realARTIZT Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
Perfectly written.
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:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Aug 9, 2012   Writer
Wow, thank you :)
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:iconrealartizt:
realARTIZT Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2012  Professional Digital Artist
np
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:iconjosephcarrabotta:
JosephCarrabotta Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2012  Student Digital Artist
Whaaaaat. That was great. Really good job! :)
Reply
:icondgreymouser:
dgREYmOUSER Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012
.. just right, so just write--pebbles in a still pond, ripples ever widening. =) B-)
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:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012   Writer
:)
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:iconredmaymay:
redmaymay Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Wow this is good for such a short poem :headbang:
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:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012   Writer
Thank you :D
Reply
:iconredmaymay:
redmaymay Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Welcome :D
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:iconlittlefishpenguin95:
LittleFishPenguin95 Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Love it! :love:
Reply
:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012   Writer
<3!
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:iconcelestialmemories:
CelestialMemories Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Really nice!
Reply
:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2012   Writer
Thanks!
Reply
:iconcelestialmemories:
CelestialMemories Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You're very welcome!
Reply
:iconmoonstruckbyshadow:
moonstruckbyshadow Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Good subject matter I believe your statement before the action is what sets this poem up for greatness and causes us to think.
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:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012   Writer
I believe so!
Reply
:iconsilvergabetha834:
silvergabetha834 Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012  Professional General Artist
Love this. Absolutely love it.
Reply
:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012   Writer
Thanks :)
Reply
:iconjayniebabe:
Jayniebabe Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012
wow, so simple. I love it! It says so much with so little words, painting a vivid image in my mind along with raw emotion. I would love to be able to write like you
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:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012   Writer
Awww, thank you! It's all about practice and revision, lots of it.
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:iconjayniebabe:
Jayniebabe Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2012
I'll have to keep that in mind next time I get the time to write a piece xD
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