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literature by roudiesgrl21

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Submitted on
August 3, 2012
File Size
236 bytes


1,052 (1 today)
77 (who?)
There was no
life in
danger, but
she pressed her
lips to his

and breathed
into him
all the
Continuing with this same minimalist style that I'm honing, but widening the subject matter. Comments, criticisms, suggestions, etc are always welcome.

Submitting this to #Live-Love-Write for their The Best Of You contest, which can be found here: [link]
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TheAntiAnti-Drug Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
I like the minimalism. If I wanted to watch anyone work with just a few words it would be you. ;D
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2013   Writer
Hahahahaha ;D
Rouge-Fox Featured By Owner May 2, 2013  Student Writer
It's amazing how so few words can paint a mental picture so vast
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner May 2, 2013   Writer
Thank you!
VShaw Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2012
I like this. Simple, but very effective.
ricken4003 Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012
I'm all about minimalist; I'm too distracted to read anything longer.
Seriously, though, and I know everyone has their own opinion on this, but I think with most poems/poetry, less is more.
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2012   Writer
Agreed, I have to get hooked pretty quickly in order to read long works. And I believe that being able to say a bunch with a little is a skill worth refining.
Seykloren Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2012
Wonderfull,I really liked this, its short but very emotionaly power-fused.
Mr-Black-Bird Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2012
Even though this is very short (minimalist) I enjoyed it.

Someone embracing danger and the wrong decision, I can definitely relate to this.

My only critique would be to maybe re-work the second stanza a bit, I felt it didn't give me as great of an impact as the first. But I cant put my finger on why... perhaps it was the wording? "and breathed into him". Maybe switch breathed with a different word, or just re-work it a bit. Sorry :/
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Aug 10, 2012   Writer
It's all good, I love good criticism, thank you!
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