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:iconfallingasleeptonight: More from FallingAsleepTonight

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Submitted on
December 29, 2012
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Mature Content


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(Contains: strong language)
Tonight is hot cigarettes
and coffee with their fingers
on the backspace key
pressing hard almost
happy to waste the
momentary pleasure
before an empty page.

As my friend
who wants the waitress
tips his whole wallet
and searches our pockets
for a pen so he can
write his number on the
nameless receipt with
a smiley face that
screams (fuck me) to
a poor college kid on break
but I don't blame him, I
would fuck her too. I would
forget that I have no money
and take her somewhere nice
in a borrowed car and we would
split the check with my reluctant
credit card that gives my pennies
to a charity for pandas
and other sweet things.

Staring into a thin cup
of cream and sugar, and smiling
as if I know better
while I take a moment to
fantasize about ten or twelve faces
and two or three bodies then
maybe take a moment
to get more addicted
before the sizzle and ash.
Short stories are coming very slowly, I'm finding it hard to say what I want to say in more than one or two sentences.
So, more poems, because poems are good.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-01-13
Ah, this is brilliant. It's removed enough to let us see the entire scene unfold but still has the personal touch engrained inside it. This is one of my favorite poems I've read in a while and I read quite a bit. There's just something about this that I love and I can't quite put my finger on it. It' how I wish Bukowski wrote. Ha.
"like how I wish Bukowski wrote"
My insides just squeezed themselves a bit, thank you so much :)
Well, I'm glad I could make you happy! I do mean it, though.
Thank you thank you
You are very welcome
I really do love it
"I'm finding it hard to say what I want to say in more than one or two sentences."

Don't fall for this. All good writing is brevity. Whatever you do, do not run in circles.
Sometimes I just want to go slow
Forgot to add; the rest of the stuff you see in good novels is either story or poetic fluff. Both are fine, but the real meat, the idea you convey, shouldn't be so verbose.
Sinnomangirl Apr 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
The beginning really draws you in. You know its going to be interesting right away. This is so visual, I even know his card donates to pandas. Haha. I love it.
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