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(Contains: strong language)
Tonight is hot cigarettes
and coffee with their fingers
on the backspace key
pressing hard almost
happy to waste the
momentary pleasure
before an empty page.

As my friend
who wants the waitress
tips his whole wallet
and searches our pockets
for a pen so he can
write his number on the
nameless receipt with
a smiley face that
screams (fuck me) to
a poor college kid on break
but I don't blame him, I
would fuck her too. I would
forget that I have no money
and take her somewhere nice
in a borrowed car and we would
split the check with my reluctant
credit card that gives my pennies
to a charity for pandas
and other sweet things.

Staring into a thin cup
of cream and sugar, and smiling
as if I know better
while I take a moment to
fantasize about ten or twelve faces
and two or three bodies then
maybe take a moment
to get more addicted
before the sizzle and ash.
Short stories are coming very slowly, I'm finding it hard to say what I want to say in more than one or two sentences.
So, more poems, because poems are good.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-01-13
Ravage by *FallingAsleepTonight ( Featured by BeccaJS )
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2013   Writer
Ah, this is brilliant. It's removed enough to let us see the entire scene unfold but still has the personal touch engrained inside it. This is one of my favorite poems I've read in a while and I read quite a bit. There's just something about this that I love and I can't quite put my finger on it. It's...like how I wish Bukowski wrote. Ha.
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:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Jul 16, 2013   Writer
"like how I wish Bukowski wrote"
My insides just squeezed themselves a bit, thank you so much :)
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2013   Writer
Well, I'm glad I could make you happy! I do mean it, though.
Reply
:iconnaughty-nice-twist3d:
I love it
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:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner May 17, 2013   Writer
Thank you thank you
Reply
:iconnaughty-nice-twist3d:
You are very welcome
I really do love it
Reply
:iconchaoticm3thod:
ChaoticM3thod Featured By Owner May 15, 2013
"I'm finding it hard to say what I want to say in more than one or two sentences."

Don't fall for this. All good writing is brevity. Whatever you do, do not run in circles.
Reply
:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner May 15, 2013   Writer
Sometimes I just want to go slow
Reply
:iconchaoticm3thod:
ChaoticM3thod Featured By Owner May 15, 2013
Forgot to add; the rest of the stuff you see in good novels is either story or poetic fluff. Both are fine, but the real meat, the idea you convey, shouldn't be so verbose.
Reply
:iconsinnomangirl:
Sinnomangirl Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
The beginning really draws you in. You know its going to be interesting right away. This is so visual, I even know his card donates to pandas. Haha. I love it.
Reply
:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2013   Writer
Hahaha yes, oh and my card does actually donate to pandas
Reply
:iconsinnomangirl:
Sinnomangirl Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
That's awesome pandas are my favorite!
Reply
:iconmusesdaughter:
MusesDaughter Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
YEs but this poem IS a story as well. Very good. Descriptive.
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:iconem-arginated:
em-arginated Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
w-o-w.
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:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013   Writer
Thanks :)
Reply
:iconphotopathica:
Photopathica Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013   General Artist
Hi!
We have chosen your work for our Featured Folder for January!
This piece has been featured here: [link]

On behalf of:
:icondeviantsgallery:
Reply
:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013   Writer
Oh wow, thanks a bunch!
Reply
:icontiganusi:
tiganusi Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Professional
Mm, I love the pacing of this, and the slightly-absurdist hopelessness that I feel racing in the background.
Reply
:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013   Writer
Good way to put it, I like the feeling too
Reply
:icona-d-mcgowan:
A-D-McGowan Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Professional General Artist
marvelous
Reply
:icondodgingthebeat:
DodgingTheBeat Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013   Writer
Pure, concentrated truth. Love it. Keep them coming!
Reply
:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013   Writer
Thanks and will do!
Reply
:iconefawlsh16:
efawlsh16 Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Student Writer
Simplistic concept but beautiful :)
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:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013   Writer
:)
Reply
:iconrataafalava:
rataafalava Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
stark and bare. though the speaker and his friend are seemingly obvious in their intentions and fantasies i find it cute, if you will, how the speaker imagines himself spending most of what if not all he has on a simple outing with this girl. she must be gorgeous.

i really enjoyed this interesting read. thank you for writing and sharing and congrats on the DD!
Reply
:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013   Writer
Thank you! And I wanted there to be innocence in something not so innocent, so I'm glad parts of it were cute to you
Reply
:iconenslavedllama:
EnslavedLlama Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013
dont people ever make love these days, its all about fucking him and fucking her, where's the love people O_O

im glad i dont live in your world and you're not welcome in mine!!

nice poem!!
Reply
:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013   Writer
Hahahaha, okay thanks xD
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:iconautumnbirds:
Autumnbirds Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This poem really touched my heart. ♥
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:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013   Writer
Really? Thank you kindly
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:iconhaanyaan:
Haanyaan Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Student Writer
THIS. This is beautiful and lovely and the images I get are wonderful. You are a fabulous human being, thank you for writing this, have a fantastic day, week, month, year.
Reply
:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013   Writer
Hahahaha, thanks :D
Reply
:iconhaanyaan:
Haanyaan Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2013  Student Writer
You are so very welcome :love:
Reply
:iconzee-who:
Zee-Who Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Hobbyist
Congrats on your Daily Deviation!:squee::heart:
Reply
:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013   Writer
Thanks! :D
Reply
:iconfrostyshadows:
frostyshadows Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Student
congrats on the DD! beautiful poem.
Reply
:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013   Writer
Thanks a lot :D
Reply
:iconprinzlir:
prinzlir Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This is gorgeously striking!
Reply
:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013   Writer
You think so? Thanks!
Reply
:iconxmjjmoonwalker:
xMJJMoonwalker Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is a really well-written poem. Good luck with the short stories!
Reply
:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013   Writer
Thanks a bunch :)
Reply
:iconxmjjmoonwalker:
xMJJMoonwalker Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're very welcome!
Reply
:iconwordeea:
wordeea Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
congratulations on the DD !! :boogie:
Reply
:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013   Writer
Thanks!!!!
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Congrats on the well deserved DD! :dalove:
Have a nice day! :heart:
Reply
:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013   Writer
You too!
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013   Writer
:iconcongratsddplz: A poem that reads like a good story will catch my attention every time.
This is so well done, I feel like I'm there with your characters. Poems like this are, as you say, "..good." Thank you. :+fav:
Reply
:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013   Writer
No, thank you :)
And the vast majority of my poems are stories, it just sounds/reads better that way to me
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013   Writer
It IS better that way, if you ask me. And :iconyourewelcomesignplz:
Reply
:iconxjng:
XJNG Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
The stark honesty in your poems is a cold snap of wind that steals into my slack-jawed mouth and departs as swiftly as it came.

My poor dry mouth. *rehydrates*
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Details

Submitted on
December 29, 2012
File Size
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Mature Content
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