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:iconfallingasleeptonight: More from FallingAsleepTonight


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Submitted on
October 29, 2012
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I found part of me by accident
in a Parisian cardboard box
with satin rags; purple ink
depicting people and clouds.
Tungsten from the wires
of lightbulb husks.

He kicked my hand when I pulled him out,
my fingers caught up in the blonde.

Here there are boys who count
the golden rings of Saturn,
and retinas that lick up the sunset.

Pictures of Japanese lanterns on the sea-crest
and swarms of orange fireflies.

Girls who do not dot
their I's with hearts,
and wait for iodine skies
with slow, dripping
thunder.
Trying to get my submission views back up to what they once were.

This is a bit tentative, as it's a tad out there (but has a direction and I like it), so comments and criticisms are very much welcome.
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:iconshadowdragon700:
I am not sure as to why you called this Second Sphere, but i'm sure you had your reason.
wonderful imagery. it makes me think of extraterrestial origins and plots.
the third stanza sounds odd. you have a nice rhythm with "Here there are boys who count/ the golden rings of Saturn" but then lose that rhythm in the wording of the next line. I'd suggest shortening it or adding a line to even it out.
it also makes me think that you are searching for some broken memories. memories of a time that one can not quite recall. like with amnesia.
nice ending though, it slows down the pace and makes one sort of melt off into the mind.
What do you think?
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:iconforestmeetwildfire:
forestmeetwildfire Apr 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Your fantastic work has been featured here!
I'd really appreciate if you could check out the other featured pieces and :+fav: the journal! :heart:
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:iconfallingasleeptonight:
FallingAsleepTonight Apr 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you kindly :)
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:iconforestmeetwildfire:
forestmeetwildfire Apr 9, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're very welcome :)
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:iconbloodawni:
bloodawni Feb 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Beautiful, you have such lovely imagery in this.

Congratulations on your DLD!
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:iconfallingasleeptonight:
Thank you!
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:iconbloodawni:
bloodawni Feb 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome. :)
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:iconpomohippie7:
Congratulations on your DLD! :clap:
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:iconfallingasleeptonight:
Thank you!
Reply
:iconconcora:
Concora Feb 20, 2013   Writer
This is gorgeous beyond belief. Congratulations on the DLD! :heart:
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:iconfallingasleeptonight:
Wow, this is a surprise. Thanks!
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